Saturday, March 03, 2007
i hav started to chat on msn again.
i even msged ppl where i din used to. since im alwayz busy or afk...playing games i been continiously doin this for yrs now and neglected quite a few frens...ever since i had heart breaker...wif r/s problems, dat was my bigest breakdown in love (when my love one din cherish me) but more of materialistic.
i lost to the word "money" or being "PooR". i couldnt believed she broke mi over for money. it took mi hell long time to get over this fact. esp wen im such a lazy person i was willing to work full time for her and stuff..but jez coz of some blockage myself being unemployed so long. she wanted to ditch mi? or accused mi of delaying her future dreams. sigh sometimes girls scares me. i dun even kno if girls wan mi for just money or sex. i mean like..T.T god i wan cry again. but hm.. gaming was a place for mi to hide my internal pains & to stay away thinking from all those hurt like i would right now. esp wen i stay home wif 4 walls i tend to tear out on my pillow. games did save my tears abit. if i din play games i guess i would be crying out bloging how much it hurts mi inner feelings,like i would rite now.
playing games would jez take my mind off from thinking.
i non stop played games...more and just
more into it. but now..i find all my games a boredom to mi
now...i started to msg my long time no chat frens.
one replied....i was greatful to chat again i do miss her.
since i left hongkong wifout telling her i was bak in aust.my bad
i tried to sms on the way to airport but wen i was on dat MTR,there
was no reception >.>
i msged another long time no see fren. tried to start a
topic to do wif her nick name. but sigh..
she said "dont be so 8" in cantonese meaning (dont be so nosy)
well its not my first tyme trying to interact back wif her.
this my 2nd time trying to start a chat wif her but she
would jez repeat the same lines:
her:don be so 8
me: no its care! :D
her: u sure?
me: (feeling uneasy)
*sigh she makes mi speechless* i just had to put on away status
she wont even bother to reply mi nor i wan try to talk to her again she scares mi away todai i have decided to totally forget about this friend now well i jez thot friends would be forever.no matta good or bad here or not here bt by how i see it. its juz...like she dont wan be my friend nemore i cn und if ur bf/gf cnt be there 24/7 for u & u wud be mad and angry..but sigh.. wad did i do wrong? jez coz i wont listen to her..and not get bak to my ex again? well..now im speechless i thot love is by heart wifout being controled. why she wan be angry @ mi for? either i cnt be there for herand listen to her stories as a friend or coz i wont listen to her about mi & my ex. but dats dumb.
well i hav negative views of friendship more den love now..
friends are shieting mi out. and friendster is pissing mi off
ppl keep adding mi..and like im so lazy to add a stranger
wen they never talk to mi..its weird... and testies i jez cant keep up
wif the pace ~.~ esp those dam chain msges on testimonials.
dam im in a bad mood now [pissed off by a friend]
newayz these friends im talking are online net friends dat i din talk for long time
apparently 1 or 2 is giving attitudes.. i thot net friends
would be nicer and more considerate wen i cnt be in the scene
guess maybe reality frens are beta? man dunno
i shall vanish away....
i jus kno i cnt handle too many friends @ once i cnt even chat to more den 2 person on msn
gee* i dunno wat friends is i dunno wat love is..
i give up on friends i'll jez chat to whoever come by..man its gay i hate taking attitudes from ppl. and i admit i aint a good caring fren..oh well? no one is good or best. wif out careless frens like mi..there wont be caring frens like u pish* neways....i dont strive to be a good friend. i only strive to get along wif neone who comes by... and our channels would click & hav a happy time. im not the type of friend who would be there for ppl..u see i jez aint.. coz i like freedom & random-c and i dont like having burdens or problems in my sight. i rather be taken care of by a fren. den care for a fren. i rather but doesnt mean i want. and i dun strive (dam i been using this strive word alot times aleadys oops haha im lazy nvm)lol..i dont even care if my frens care about mi..or not. i onli care about us having a good time together. enjoying & having fun. i actually get annoyed @ ones..over caring. friends dat lecture mi on life is pish* turns mi off. leave dat for my parents role lol i dont need another mother :D
hell my gf doesnt even go ONLINE at all...this is retarted.
well im sad T__T i thot love is being together?!? but why do i feel
so like im single! even ppl cn tell i dun hav gf sob*
scanning thru photos of my ex's and my past love stories.
i just wished i can hav these feeling once again. to be
in love. and not out of love. i dun fink i can stand it no more....im insane.
bloggy i love u...this is a place i can take out my anger wen im pissed i dun even wan go thru some friends..i dun even wan em to kno im sad i onli wan show my happy side all times. i find it annoying >_> if im sad. infront of ppl. coz i would go on and on..about how sad i am lol and u saw it...i essay-ed everything out ~.~